they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
