The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
