i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
