dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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