My first STD was from a foam party
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
That accounts for only three of the penises
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
