Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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