Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
