3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
