Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
