True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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