RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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