She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Barsexuality is the new black.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Still dying that you shit outside
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
