You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
