your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
