If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
