my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
