I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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