new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
