Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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