I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
