There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
