Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
