You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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