i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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