I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
