So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
I'm really busy with my period
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