She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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