a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
