I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
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