he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
