She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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