just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
