there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
