Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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