I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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