Whod you bang
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
