Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
