All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
