Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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