I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
