I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
