My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
