You can't motorboat a personality
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
