HIV tests are more positive than that guy
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
