I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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