return my video game
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
