i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She even gives head with a lisp.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
