i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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