Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
