I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
