I want to stick my p in your. b.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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