ya dads aren't the best wingmen
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Can Purell be used as lube?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
