she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Jerry, you need to find god
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
